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58 posts
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I was a smoker and is in the midst of quitting (from nearly a pack a day to 1 or 2 sticks a week now) My gf smokes as well and I'm trying to get her to quit
She SMS me just now and ask if i could buy a pack for her, in which I replied - No I will not. I can go out of my way to get you food or anything else but not cigarette.
Then her tone changed. From a sweet SMS to a one word - Night. I then sent her a couple of SMS asking her why not just quit. I said I know it's her choice to smoke and her own responsibility but when misfortune strikes, she's not the only one suffering. I told her I find it ironic that she smokes because she's stressed, but isn't getting cancer more stressful?
The hordes of messages that follow is really disheartening. She said that I implied that she's hopeless. Says that I'm bringing her down and goes on saying that I keep pin-pointing her mistake which I did not. She says that everything we argue even when I did not bring up anything from the past but that's not the issue.
She even called me crazy bla bla just because I suggested that she quit. I tried my best not to lose focus and blow up as well as I really want her to quit.
Any approach that I can try using??
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Originally posted by Karma88:
How to quit ?
Easier said then done .
I`ve been trying to quit for 6 months .
But all my friends smoke . So how to dont smoke ?
Easier said than done, indeed.Blame it not on your friends but your indiscipline and lack of willpower. Period.
TS, I commend you for being such a thoughtful significant other. But instead of coercing her to quit, you should seek to encourage her to. The keyword here is "gentle" and probably a lot of coaxing, the more argumentative or 'objective' you are, the more resistance she would show.
Give her time and be very patient; also understand that at the end of the day, it all boils down to her personal preference and decision. Trying to coerce her into doing something she's displeased and unconvinced with would only do the relationship harm.
Be tactful :)
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Originally posted by FireIce:
if u love her, accept her as she is.
So if you have a child and one day you found out that he/she is under drug addiction, will you simply let him carry on doing so on the basis that you should accept him/her because of (your definition of) love?
TS, ask yourself, what inspired you to quit smoking? Because if it works for you, it may work for your girlfriend as well. I have once heard a story, quite an amazing one, from my Physics teacher about an year ago. He has a friend, a smoker then, who already has a young daughter, and once they were together watching TV. There came a wedding scene on screen, and his daughter asked him a question, a question that changed him for life: "Will you be there when I marry?" Ever since then, he tried to quit smoking, and he did it.
Try spending more time with your girlfriend while she's quitting. You should know that a person requires additional emotional support during this quitting period (since you've been through this stage). When she contacts you for a pack of ciagrettes, don't just SMS "no" and do nothing about it. She must already be feeling edgy when she has the urge to smoke but doesn't have any stick on hand. Telling her "no" flatly will only piss her off even further, especially when it came from her dear boyfriend.
Instead, tell her you'll arrive 1 hour later (delay) because you're busy right now and place (no. of sticks she smokes daily minus a few) ciagrette sticks in the ciagrette pack. Bring along her favourite snacks, have a small talk with her and do other sweet stuffs when you drop by. Make her rely on you to provide her supply of ciagrettes by offering yourself to do so.
The next time she asks you to bring her ciagrettes, extend the delay slightly (say, from 1 hr to 1 hr 15 mins) and decrement the no. of sticks in the pack, but let her know how long she has to wait. This is very important as the wait can get very uncomfortable if she doesn't know how long it will be. Gradually, she'll realize she is able to hold out longer than she has expected and will start to smoke less often, like you do now.
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i dun know man.. i used to be a smoker and dun mind kissing chicks that smoke. But after i quit , it just becomes such a turn off man. lol. So bad i cant even get it up.
For those that ask if all ur friends dun smoke how ? U tell them dont blow your face la! mai ku liu. haha i know some friends will be WTF. Cause all used to smoke together. But they gotta accept the fact that u dont smoke anymore. Once they are fine with you not smoking it becomes natural liaw. Just that the beginning stages few months will be real shit. Cause u not used to it and need to smoke. Cause u have 1 less routine stuff to do. Like drinking smoking, eating smoking. smoking smoking.. lol!
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To quit doin something tat u hav been doin everyday is not an easy task. It takes alot of determination & focus to do tat. & Not many pple can quit something w/o frenz & family's help and support.
I kindda like LatecomerX's suggestion. Tho' im a non smoker, but i think tat shld help in some way. U shld know, being a smoker (an ex smoker soon to be) under wat circumstances will trigger the urge to smoke..e.g fren'z influence, stress, tired, bored..etc etc..U, as her bf, if u want her to quit smokin, hav to prove to her tat u care & sincerely want her to quit. Naggin is definately out. Actions will be the best help, topped with love as well!
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Be careful. Pointing out weakness will cause relationship staling.
From yr gf's view, u have accepted yr gf as smoker b4. But because, u are able to near quit smoking. U requested her to quit too. That will make her feel inferior and the lack of sercurity in her will emerge. if nothing is done, she wil unknowing find sercurity elsewhere.
From yr view, because yr concerns and her irrational replies just make u more impatient and agitated. As time passed, u wil feel dishearten, tiring and thus, relationship staling...
U have to understand that different people are built differently. As from yr post, u r more determined in this than her... But unfortunately, yr role is not a parent, an elder brother or any1 tat is able to pressure her... Yr role is her boyfriend. Chances for her to stop smoking is less than 50% and direct approach method is out.
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Trying telling her to go on a diet and you following her lead.
You dont just tell people to quit smoking and figure that you are doing the right thing and should thus be listened to.
Both of you obviously need exercise. So lead her to do sports that keeps her off her mind off the the stress the the need to smoke.
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