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If you can count the months since your last break-up, with both your hands and are still asking yourself the questions, What's wrong with me? Its time to reassess your life and move on. Clearly, the break-up has had a profound impact on your self-image and in certain quiet moments of the day, wretched feelings of the wounded and vulnerable kind still come creeping back.
The best thing you can do after the maelstrom of angst, rage and regret has passed is to look at the reasons why the relationship was on the path to doom in the first place. Examine the good and bad aspects and time-out to reflect on the real reasons why you hung on for so long in the first place. This the perfect time to stock up on self-knowledge. Why were you too weak to be the first to realize it was headed nowhere? What made you forgive him over and over again?
SALVAGE OR LEAVE BEHIND?
Before you attempt to move on you'll have to sort through what's left and decide what to salvage and what to leave behind. There's no running away from what went wrong, and delaying the process of dealing with it will only leave you with a similar situation in future relationships. You should never attempt to rebuild your life without identifying what went wrong, what your part in it was and how you'd like things to be different in future.
MOVE ON
When the relationship is over, you should be aiming for closure. This is one thing that can't come fast enough. Closure is a deeply personal experience that tells you that you've reconciled with all things past, and is ready to talk about your experiences and welcome new possibilities into your life.
You would have moved past the tumultuous emotional state and arrived at the point where you fully comprehend who you are as a single person. Don't mix this up with getting involved with another person or abusing your freedom and physically indulging yourself.
YOUR FRIENDS
It's important to surround yourself with people you can trust and seek comfort in. When a relationship is over, these supportive individuals will probably have seen it coming and will most likely react with relief and empathy. Some more distant friends might react with surprise and dismay, and their outpouring of sympathy might throw you off. If seeing some of them elicits negative emotions, avoid them or be direct and tell them exactly what you need at this trying time. Don't let their expectations of you or the relationship get you down even more.
HIS FRIENDS
In the wake of break-up, you might find yourself losing friends who happen to be sitting on his of the fence. This might be a rather painful experience for you, but in the long run not having individuals who remind you if the past will be a relief. It will let you to choose exactly who you wish to invest your time in and build a comfortable social circle that lets you be exactly who you want to be. Lose those individuals who don't contribute to your life in a positive way.
FULL STEAM AHEAD
A painful break-up can sometimes change the way you feel about a number of important life issues. Get a grip, you are still same person you were before, and this pivotal time might force you to reassess yourself personally. There will be some stumbling blocks along the way, but once you get past them, it'll be full steam ahead.
If you've really processed and accepted the past, you'll find that you're raring to jump headlong into your new life with a vigor and enthusiasm you never could have imagined before.
FIVE TIPS TO TOTAL RECOVERY
1. Rant & Rave
Allow yourself the chance to wallow and indulge in regret and unhappiness for a bit. Cry your eyes out if you need to, and don't be sorry if you want to call your best friend for the umpteenth time just to reminisce and talk about the relationship. Letting out your emotions will prevent them from festering and manifesting in other areas of your life. But remember you'll have to stop and come back to reality eventually.
2. Indulge Yourself
Now that you have all this time for yourself, take on some of the things you've been dying to try or that you've pit on hold because he couldnt be a part of it. Take up that diving course, enrol for a language class or take the long awaited backpacking trip with your friends
3. Avoid The Rebound Trap
If there's someone who attracts your fancy before you can even wipe that last teardrop, watch out for the classic rebound scenario. Avoid thinking of the new man in your life as a godsend cure from heaven, you'd just be setting yourself up for a long fall if things don't work out. The Best thing to do is take things slow, don't throw yourself too quickly at your new object of love. Make sure you're over your ex completely before anything further develops.
4. Cut him loose
Tell yourself over and over again that it's over for good. If he keeps calling to ask for one more chance, or if he just wants to stay friends even though he's seeing other people, don't fall for it. The urge to forget all things bad and cling on to whatever you can hit even the most pragmatic of women. Steer clear, cut him loose and celebrate your newfound singlehood.
4. Don't Engage In Promiscuity
Many might find the new freedom disconcerting and unnatural, especially if you've been attached for ages. You might find yourself running scared of commitment and intimacy, and seek comfort in pulling out all the brakes and indulging yourself with any guy that comes along.
After all the changes that you've been through, the last thing you'd want to do is dive unknown into sexual encounters. The thought of free-for-all fun might seem exciting to a hurt and wounded heart. Trust your better judgement and don't run the risk of becoming imprisoned in your failure to get over your ex.
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